| | (or as I like to call it, a rebuttal)
[ring]
Works: "Guh. I. What? It's three-thirty in the morning."
Me: "Oh, shit. You know me. Clocks are meaningless. Time is just a human construct."
Works: "Fuuu...what is it?"
Me: "I was just wondering. If I got into a committed relationship with someone who actually mattered to me, at some point I'd have to stop having sex with my fluff on the side, right."
Works: "I...guh. Fucking obviously, V."
Me: "Right, so I was just wondering why you haven't."
Works: "Uhh...what?"
Me: "I was just wondering why you're still putting the momento futuerte in Stacy's sweet tramp canyon."
Works: "I...guh. At three in the morning, Vaccerelli? At three in the fucking morning?"
Me: "Well, I was just talking to Jareth earlier today and he was talking about you and the girlfriend and how you're all inseparable and gross roses-and-flowers-and-walks-on-the-Embarcadero. And then afterwards I was thinking about how while that's mostly true, you'd ditched out on her last Thursday, which was weird. Then I remember that Paul said you were helping Lewis with some mixing and it was in the late stages. But Lewis doesn't ever mix on Thursdays, because Wednesday is Coke Night over at his pad and he's too blasted to do anything coherent the next day. And Paul is notorious for being people's cover stories. He covered for me with the Cunt once, actually, when I was out and about with Val. He's just got a...trustworthy face!"
Works: "Vaccerelli, don't do this."
Me: "No, no, be proud of me. But the thing is, Paul wouldn't have to cover for you; you've already got a lady who you're fine and fit with. So then I started thinking if Paul was covering for you then something really big had to be up. Then it hits me; you're all on the moral up-and-up, so you really need cover; you wouldn't use Paul, that's too obvious. That'd throw everyone off, they'd think 'oh for once Paul is telling the truth'. But that kind of reverse-psychology doesn't really work."
Works: "I..."
Me: "So you hid it in plain sight. But who would you be ashamed of doing? Your exes are generally formidable, beautiful women that you're still in good communication with. You're not big on shady liasons and dingy girlfriend-poaching. So that leaves two; the bitchy blonde and the bitchier blonde. And you're not big on genuine shame, so it's obviously the bitchier blonde. Because you would have said something about it if it was just the bitchy blonde. The whole 'she's a good lay I'm having trouble controlling the urge to go off and make bad decisions', you'd give me that speil, I'll be all "Dworkowski is as human as the rest of us?!' and there'd be snideness and back-and-forth. But no, if you're actually ashamed but unable to help yourself...it's got to be Stacy. Just her. That one bookmark you refuse to take out of that chapter of your life."
Works: "..."
Me: "Well?"
Works: "I will never in life understand your reasoning or how you do that, but I feel sorry for anyone who is involved with you who tries to keep something from you, especially for your own sake."
Me: "Oh, you have no idea."
Works: "So are you proud of yourself now? You got all mister detective on something I wanted to deal with myself. Yes, I sleep with Stacy on occasion. Yes, I haven't gotten around to telling the girlfriend. Because what can I say? I'm shamefully weak for someone in my past? It hasn't been long enough for me to grow out of this masochistic addiction to her? That she uses it against me constantly for her own physical needs? That I am, in the end, just as stupid and weak about sex as everyone else?"
Me: "I'm very proud."
Works: [sigh]
Me: "Anyway, I saw 'The Box'. It's weird. Good...while nutty, and disturbing. I'd say give it a shot."
[click]
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| | Posted 11/12/2009 4:45 PM - 183 Views - 63 eProps - 36 comments
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